yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
