I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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