I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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