oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
