Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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