I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
