he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
