every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
