have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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