Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
