I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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