Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
