people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
