I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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