your room smells of hookers.
And success
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
