Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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