Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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