My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
