Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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