we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
