I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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