You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
