now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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