My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize