i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
