I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
