Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
