And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If I die, sorry about rent.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
