Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
