Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
