did you get engaged???
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
