There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
