my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Pants are for mortals
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
