Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
