You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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