Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
