Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize