i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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