is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it glows. i had to have it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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