Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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