Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
