i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
