You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
