you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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