ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
