I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
