Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
