i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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