Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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