I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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