it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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