why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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