im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
