Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
