You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
