I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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