it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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