I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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