Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
