My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
